One afternoon, the CEO of The Pig Turd was riding in his limousine when
he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to
investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We're translators, and we don't have any money for food," the man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and
I'll feed you," the CEO of The Pig Turd said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.
They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the CEO of The Pig Turd replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may
come with us also." The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said,
"But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the CEO of The Pig Turd answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even
for a car as large as the limousine.
Once under way, one of the translators turned to the CEO of The Pig Turd and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us
with you."
The CEO of The Pig Turd replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really
love my place. The grass is almost a foot high!"
Dear Mr. Costner,
ReplyDeleteI am writing to you today to inform you that you are in violation of our supplier agreement (section cited below) and thus liable for damages. Although technically we have never done business before and one might assume that said agreement does not apply to you, please be aware that this is an offer you cannot refuse, and the appropriate equine parts should be delivered to your place of nocturnal rest shortly. Should these not arrive in due course, please contact our customer service department, and we shall endeavor to remedy the situation expeditiously.
As you seem to consider yourself a hot shit writer, we at thepigturd hereby assign you to rewrite the service agreement which you have violated (see the relevant clause below) and do so in 300 words or less.
This is actually a test copywriting assignment for which we are not obligated to pay. However this job is subject to the terms of rate reduction effective on 18 July 2013, and 15% of what you would have invoiced will be deducted from the compensation for this job, and the balance will be due and payable by you upon delivery.
Respectfully Yours,
Lardy Gold
Chief Executing Officer
thepigturd Unlimited and Omnipotent
P.S. Oh yes, I almost forgot... the section of our non-agreement which you have violated is as follows:
6.14 For the duration of this Agreement and for a period of three years thereafter, you agree that you shall not publish or participate in any online or print media in which the content is abusive and/or defamatory and/or a parody of us and/or our officers and/or our employees and /or their families and/or in which you impersonate us and/or our officers and/or our employees and/or their families.